Friday, July 31, 2009

My new radio commercial


SFX - Mysterious music plays underneath

VOICE OVER


They say he drafted his first social reform legislation in 1951...Ten years before he was born.

He often completely redesigns entire economic systems...before breakfast.

He turned down Lassie...as a family pet.

He is...The Most Interesting President in the World.


BARACK OBAMA


I don't always drink beer, but when I do it's usually a pointless public relations stunt on the White House lawn.

Stay thirsty my friends.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


In spite of the vaccine, Biff feared he might be turning French...

Thursday, July 2, 2009


Biff and Raul's experiments in genetic engineering were all fun and games...until the day they crossed that wolverine with a blender...

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

My Speech Team Thingy


*Special thanks to John Verteramo for the photo.*

As I start this little memoir I have two confessions to make to Dan Tyree that have weighed heavily on my mind over the past 30 years, and I feel that I must come clean to purge my soul.

#1 – Yes, Dan, I did sleep in my suit on Friday nights so that I didn’t have to get up so early on Saturday morning.

I know that you conjectured on it, and even directly asked me about it several times but I was always able to skirt the issue by pointing and shouting, “Look behind you! A dinosaur!” and then running quickly the other way and shouting, “I don’t want to be late for my round.”

#2 – Yes, Dan, I did sit on top of a desk in the back corner of the classroom to deliver part of my speech in one of my state finals rounds, and, yes, there was a judge seated directly in front of me.

I was just following your instruction to converse with my audience and not talk at them. I got all ones in that round if it’s any consolation.

I think those two things kind of sum up our first team. Not that we were slovenly dressed and more than a little kooky – although we were. More that we had no idea what we were doing.

Nobody told us that you were NEVER supposed to be unorthodox. Nobody told us a first year team should NEVER be able to score the way we did. Nobody told us a team with only five entries could NEVER finish in the top three in the state championship – and might have actually won it if that idiot in Original Oratory hadn’t gotten a 6 from one of his judges in the final round. The critique was the guy’s suit looked like he’d slept in it, if I remember right.

Like most idiot savants we didn’t know what we were doing – we just did it.

I’m sure that everybody that shares here is going to write about the skills they learned from being part of the program: Enormous self confidence; To examine things critically and logically; To prepare tirelessly; To think quickly on your feet; and above all to communicate.

Every job that I have ever held I have gotten because of what I learned in Speech.

It was more than that for me. When I was a senior in high school Dan Tyree introduced me to the theatre. My English teacher, Norm Wagner, introduced me to William Shakespeare. I never would have found either on my own. With those skills I then was able to meet another man, the late Dr. Earl Reimer at Bethel College, who completed the job they had started in helping me to discover who I was.

Without the theatre and Shakespeare, my life would have been greatly diminished, and a much darker place.

I have had so many moments of joy in my life, moments of beauty, exhilaration, and sheer ecstasy in the time I spent writing and acting for the stage. So many moments with dear friends sharing those moments. So many lifelong, deep, important relationships that I never would have had without Dan Tyree walking up to me in the lunchroom in September of 1979 and saying, “We’re doing this play and I was wondering…”

Who would have thought that three of us, riding in Dan and Becky’s van to Logansport at 5 a.m. one Saturday, would turn into this?

I do have to relate my favorite speech memory of all – a true moment that will be burned forever in my memory: hitchhiking down the interstate in Georgia with Dan during spring break.

For the full story on that you will have to wait for my tell all book, “All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Speech”.