The Ballad of Tim Tebow

I believe that University of Florida starting quarterback Tim Tebow is a great young man and role model, and arguably the greatest college football player of all time.

However the way some speak of him and some of the "legend" that has grown up around a guy who is only 22 years old has led me to the belief that one day scholars will claim he traveled the country with a giant Blue Ox named "Babe".

With the help of my son Elijah, I decided to get a head start on the tall tales which may one day accompany the Legend of Tim Tebow. Feel free to add your own...

Tim Tebow had a class his first semester at the University of Florida that was on the other side of the Gulf of Mexico. He walked to it everyday.

Before the Georgia game 50,000 fans hadn't eaten for two days having had to stand in line to get tickets. Tebow fed them all with two bags of popcorn and a hot dog and had five garbage bags of left overs.

Recently adventurers discovered a lost tribe in the jungles of New Guinea that worship the image of Tim Tebow.

Tebow once won a high school game having his hospital bed wheeled out onto the field and throwing a 60 yard last second touchdown pass, while in a coma.

The Gators once had a live alligator as a mascot until the day the beast escaped it's handlers and attacked a four year old girl on the sideline. In the huddle, seeing the tragedy unfolding, Tebow called his own number on a sweep to that same sideline, tore the beast off the girl, wrestling it into it's cage before it could harm the child, and scoring the winning touchdown at the same time.

On a mission trip in a remote section of the Congo, Tebow found himself lacking vaccine to combat a malaria outbreak amongst the tribe. Grinding his game ball from last year's National Championship game into a pot of boiling water and adding some local herbs, he cured several villages of the disease.

Chuck Norris flinches when Tebow fake punches him.

Tebow tried to throw a 90 yard touchdown pass to the Incredible Hulk in an exhibition game, but it was too hard for the Hulk to handle.

Tebow is constantly on call by the city of Tokyo in case Godzilla ever decides to attack again.

Tebow has turned down the last two Nobel Peace Prizes, preferring his National Championship rings.

Anyone within a 25 yard radius of Tebow has no fears from the Swine Flu.

The SEC has discussed disbanding when Tebow graduates.

Random Thoughts

Daylight Savings Time
Do they call it that because nobody is outside when there is daylight anymore so we don't absorb any of it?


Move it along...
When is this debate over health care going to be over so that we can get on to something that's really important to the American people...

Who's going to be the next American Idol?


Up, up and away...
Get off of the family and start blaming Pixar for the balloon boy thing.

They are passionate film makers and were simply trying to do a re-make of the summer blockbuster hit "Up".


Trying to figure it out...
Have you seen this "Toddlers and Tiaras" show on TLC? What the hell is this? Are they airing evidence tapes from Child Protective Services?


Get your red hots...!
Okay, here's the explanation for the sturm und drang over New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez eating a hot dog on the sideline during a game.

The problem isn't that Sanchez was eating something on the sideline. There are power bars, sunflower seeds, etc. on every bench and dugout in America. The problem is a respect for the game you're playing and your opponent.

The perception is that you are saying this is so easy we'll all just have a picnic and still kick you around. Most teams from little league to the pros have rules against eating on the bench for just that reason. You should be thinking about the game and your opponent, not looking at a wine list.

No matter how out of reach the game may seem, you don't wheel the buffet onto the sideline in the third quarter.

It's about protocol, decorum and respect. C'mon. It would be like a Senator bringing nachos into the State of the Union Address.

Although come to think of it, they did have beer on the White House lawn awhile back...

Thinking too much

I'm sure that I've come to this realization later than most but it seems to me that the reason a lot of people don't want to see the light at the end of the tunnel is because they really prefer hiding in the darkness.

A Disclaimer

The immortal Canadian Power Rock Trio "Rush" would like to make it perfectly clear that they are in perfect agreement with the St. Louis Rams and the NFL and are not owned nor are they a tribute band for American big mouth and moron Rush Limbaugh.

Any use of the name Rush without the express written consent of the Commissioner of the Canadian Football League Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson or Neil Peart is prohibited.

Don't be taken in by the slick PR campaign...

Vampires are not our friends.

They just want to suck our blood and steal our women.


Wait a minute...Should I be afraid that that sounds exactly like the slogan George Wallace used when he ran for President?